"Perhaps we do the minors of this country harm if First Amendment protections, which they will with age inherit fully, are chipped away in the name of their protection" - Senior U.S. District Judge Lowell Reed Jr
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03.18.2008
The funny thing is, I thought the Vatican was insane before. Now, the increasingly irrelevant Catholic church has really ramped up it’s fight against reasonable, progressive society with it’s mind-rapingly contradictory list of "New and Improved Mortal Sins!!!" that was released last week. We’ll set aside the questionable legitimacy of Papal doctrine in general (for now), and go through the list on it’s own merits.
1. Genetic Modification.
Ok, this one’s pretty easy. Anyone who knows the least bit about agricultural science can tell you that organic farming is unsustainable for the current population, able only to provide for about 4 billion people. Anyone capable of even the most rudimentary Google search can tell you that the current population is about 6.5 billion, and quickly rising. Hold on a sec, let me break out my abacus, and...oh. Way to speak out against the most incredible life saving advance in history, guys. Hope you don’t have anything against causing social injustice.
Continue reading...
Morgan Marshall
READ MORE: news , catholic , Genetic Modification
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09.26.2007
The head of the Catholic Church in Mozambique recently told the BBC he believes Europeans are infecting condoms with AIDS in order to kill the people of Africa.
"Condoms are not sure because I know that there are two countries in Europe, they are making condoms with the virus on purpose," he said.
"They want to finish with the African people. This is the programme. They want to colonise until up to now. If we are not careful we will finish in one century's time."
Yeah. Condoms give Africans AIDS and we all know the only cure is baby fucking. Massive amounts of baby fucking.
Remember that program all over the news a few months ago called "One Laptop per Child"? The plan was to send an inexpensive laptop computer to poor children all over the world.
Can we change that to "One Laptop per Ignorant Douche Bag"?
I'd like to start sleeping at night.
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: news , aids , africa , Mozambique , catholic church
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09.22.2007
At the Emmys the other night Kathy Griffin, when accepting her award, said “Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now."
Her attempt at humor failed, which explains why I’ve never heard of this chick, but there’s a bigger issue here.
There are absolutely no repercussions, other than positive ones like PR and exposure, for dissing Jesus of Nazareth.
The Christians, predictably, went ape shit over her acceptance speech and hit the talk show circuit to rail against whoever this lady is.
William Donohue of the Catholic League, went on CNN to complain that "Hollywood laughs when she says 'Suck it, Jesus,' but if she'd said 'Suck it, Jews,' or 'Suck it, Muhammad’ they wouldn't be laughing, would they?"
That’s true. They wouldn’t be laughing. That’s because if Kathy Griffin had said “Suck it Jews” she would be out of a job and if she had said “Suck it Muhammad” she would be dead.
Continue reading...
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: news , emmys , Kathy Griffin , christians , William Donohue
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09.22.2007
In a move so insane it deserves a collective “touché”, our president recently compared the war in Iraq to the Vietnam war.
My immediate response was to crawl into my bathtub with a bottle of whiskey and start crying, but - lacking whiskey or a bathtub - I have written a play instead.
NATION: Iraq is a lot like Vietnam
ADMINISTRATION: Yes. It is.
NATION: No. We're saying that Iraq reminds us of Vietnam.
ADMINISTRATION: Yes. It's exactly like Vietnam.
NATION: That's a bad thing. It's an analogy WE use to convince YOU that the war is a bad idea.
ADMINISTRATION: No. It's a perfect analogy and we should never have left. Leaving Vietnam destabilized the region.
NATION: Fuck.
Bush in Vietnam warning over Iraq
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: news , Vietnam , bush , fucked
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08.28.2007
In its illustrious past, The Catholic Church has maintained a strong stance against Atheism. However, with dwindling market share, The Vatican is thinking outside the box to boost its marketability.
A Saint of Atheism, it seems, could give the Catholic Church a sexier appeal to Generation Buzz. The Nobel Peace Prize-winning Atheist, Mother Theresa , appears the likely spokesperson for the Vatican’s new anti-god advertising campaign.
The recently released book, “Mother Theresa: Come be My Light,” exposed her fifty years of secretly living without faith. Not believing in God, anonymous sources say, is the new believing in God.
Dylan Dougherty
READ MORE: news
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08.14.2007
Though wit is indeed the new sarcasm, this headline forces Los Blingos to revert to 2005’s favorite form of humor. Carl Rove is a man motivated not by power or influence, but, seemingly, by the desire to spend time with his family.
With his son off at college and a wife at home, Rove will catch up on some emails (friends, family and such), bake some chocolate chip cookies and muse at mountain sunsets. Tired of shaping the course of history, this political bull just wants a few moments of domestic bliss. Surprisingly, the man slated to replace Rove has not complained about giving up those lazy afternoons shopping with his wife.
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-Rove-Resigning.html
Dylan Dougherty
READ MORE: news
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08.10.2007
In this week's episode we discuss women crying after sex, blowing undercover cops and why you should never confront Dangerous Dave when he's drunk and carrying a knife.
Get it here.
Enjoy.
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: podcast
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08.08.2007
Okay, so some of these are old, but I really wanted to see a list of all these fools together.
- Rep. Bob Allen was caught offering to blow an undercover cop for $20
- Mark Foley was caught trying to pick up a male, under aged congressional page
- David Vitter was identified as a client of a D.C. Madam's escort service
- Ted Haggard was doing blow and making fuck with a former male prostitute.
For the record - I'm all for fucking underage pages and doing blow with hookers. The "paying TO blow someone" as opposed to "paying to GET blown" makes me do a double take, but hey: to each their own.
Continue reading...
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: news , republicans , blowjobs , hookers , preachers , David Vitter , Ted Haggard , Bob Allen , Mark Foley
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08.07.2007
When Mother Earth struck again this week, destroying the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis, she finally pushed the U.S. past its breaking point.
The government that brought us the Department of Homeland Security said enough is enough. In retaliation for the deadly bridge attack, fed up officials have set out to clear forests for roads and suburbs, dismantle public transportation projects, and drill up every last drop of this planet's blackened blood.
In response to the bridge attack, Randal O'Toole, a senior fellow at the Cato Institute, said:
“Too many American cities are spending far too much money on expensive rail transit projects, which are used for only 1 to 2 percent of local travel, and far too little on highway projects which are used for 95 to 99 percent of local travel." -NY Times
Continue reading...
Dylan Dougherty
READ MORE: news
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08.03.2007
In our debut podcast we discuss being single, myspace bitches, astronaut sex and the wonders of failing upwards.
Get it here.
Enjoy.
Joshua Doan
READ MORE: news , podcasts , myspace , astronauts
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